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  Last Updated: Saturday, April 13, 2024


I was going to use this section for a tell-all expose but...
There's an act of Parliament banning my autobiography
Bits and pieces have successfully undergone declassification protocol:

My full name is Scarlett Jennavieve Magdala and I go by Jenna! The only time you'll see me referred to as Scarlett is on corporate docs for Planet Jenna or legal stuff when Dr. Gonzo is involved, the filthy bastard.
If someone calls me Scarlett, I just think I'm in trouble...

Speaking of, my childhood was a lot like that movie, Mommy Dearest. I wasn't even gonna bring it up, but I wanted to mention it in case there's someone else out there going through the same thing. Just know, you are NOT alone. I get it. I overcame it. And you can, too. And I'm here if you ever wanna talk, vent, cry, or just want advice on how to get through it.
I was born and grew up in Florida so you know I'm a total surfer girl! I've always loved the tropical vibes here but when I turned 18 - refer to aforementioned childhood - I couldn't get out on my own fast enough!! Up until that point, I'd never been out of the state so I had some stuff to see!

I traveled A LOT and got into trouble in Seattle, Oregon, California, Chicago, roamed through Ohio, all over New York (NYC and upstate), New Jersey, New England, and NOLA to name a few!
I've never really known what I wanna be when I grow up... There's just so much rad shit out there!! And I wanna see and do ALL OF IT!! How could I pick just ONE thing to do forever and ever??

I love so much stuff: modeling, photography and videography, writing, drawing, painting, sculpting, music... Making clothes and jewelry and decor... Dancing and fitness, I've toyed with the idea of getting my personal trainer certification since I was 19... And then there's mechanics, construction/demolition, and metal scrapping!!

PLUS I still haven't entirely ruled out a landscaping company because I can turn any space into a tropical oasis, whether you want one or not.
I can spend hours walking around the Home Depot garden center.

Well, ANY garden center, actually... But Home Depot is my standard because I can also play with my Hot Lover Ryobi while I'm there.

*Unrelated but true nonetheless
JENNA PARADOX:
I'm super outgoing but I don't really like going out

I go through phases. Sometimes, I'm oot and aboot several times a week like a slutty little butterfly, spreading positivity in a tube top and hip huggers, uplifting morale, and enlivening libidos... And sometimes I'll go weeks (or months) without leaving the house. It's the same reason I randomly disappear from social media every so often.

I'm an energy sponge so, even at my most extroverted, I can't go out every day. I need time to chill in my Fortress of Solitude to ground and recharge on my own.

My whole birthchart is swimming in water, I can feel energy six cars away at a red light. If you ignore the warning signs and get close enough to touch me, I can tell what you're thinking. And I DO bite. Those signs are there for a reason.
I'm like a Next Gen Sookie Stackhouse but like, with NO fascination for vampires whatsoever. GOD what a shitty existence that would be, who fantasies about those?? First of all: NO garlic. I'm out. Secondly, you can NEVER look at yourself in the mirror again. EVER. How the fuck do you do makeup?? I'm too vain. Again, I'm out. Thirdly, sunbathing? Out, out, and fuck you very much, I'll see myself to the door.

Werewolves, now THAT'S a different story. You get to just be your normal self for three weeks and then, once a month, you get to turn into a primal lust-filled bloodthirsty savage. HOT. AS. FUCK. Where do I sign up?

  I have no idea what the hell I'm doing
  I'm left handed
  I'm a natural blonde, just not THIS blonde. It's like a dark sandy blonde...
  Total...Crazy...Cat...Lady
  I don't eat dairy or gluten
  I only eat organic foods
  I eat primarily vegan, but I have eggs and fish sometimes! Is that Paleo?
  Obsessed with dragons
  I was born on the last day of winter; the eve of the Spring Equinox
  I don't drink or do drugs. Not downing anyone who does, I just personally don't do them. I realized that sentence came off kinda snotty. XD
  Freakishly interested in Ancient Egypt
  I f'n LOVE opposums
  Cows can't go down stairs
  I will own your life at Rock Paper Scissors Lizard Spock
  I'm outside in the sun any chance I can get
  Secondary Career Choice: Tomb Raider
  Third: Physicist
  I'm super into astronomy and astrology
  Peanut butter is one of my favorite things on the planet
  I'm actually eating peanut butter as I type these
  I LOVE tropical stuff: tanning oil, coconut, pineapple, mango, hibiscus
  One of my hobbies is metal scrapping. It's like a side quest or something, you just run around collecting money that people leave at the curb!!
  The numbers 13 and 23 follow me everywhere